Tears keep streaming down my face, and as hard as I try to stop them before anyone sees, they keep coming back. Just as the reoccurring theme of losing the people I care about most in my life keeps coming back.
I remember being so sure of the relationships in my life. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have people in my life that care for me and bring me joy. I remember thinking that this could last forever. But it doesn’t. Nothing lasts forever.
What I have learned over the years is that even that one person, who’s friendship you so deeply rely on lasting a lifetime, will end up leaving. This might seem a bit pessimistic, but in reality it is an occurrence that is brought into your life to teach you something and help you grow. Every relationship in your life is there for a reason. Whether it is to teach you teach you a valuable lesson, or simply bring encouragement, hope, joy, and love into your life.
The people that are near and dear to my heart at this very moment are not the same ones that were there a year ago. Over the course of one short year, my life has undergone drastic changes. I have experienced tragedy, loss, sorrow, adventure, faith, hope, trust, betrayal, heartbreak, confusion, anxiety, anger, love, and joy, through so many events, and that has brought me to a point of content in my life. Content with the fact that good things will come of every situation, and that the negative feelings I have in the moment won’t last forever. I don’t have the slightest clue where I will be a year from now, what kind of person I will become, or the people I will choose to surround myself with. But that is the beauty of life. You have to take whatever is thrown at you and make the best out of every situation, because in the end, you will realize that nothing is meant to last forever and everything is there to teach you something that will help you along in the next stages of your crazy, wonderful journey we call life.
It’s important to keep moving in life, evolving, learning, experiencing and growing as an individual. Sometimes, in order to move on and do those all of those wonderful things and experience the full potential of your youth, you have to let go of things that might be greatly difficult to let go of.
In my case, moving on takes on the aspect of literally moving. Leaving behind the people who have shaped me into the person I am today with the experiences we have shared over the course of my time in this town. Parting with people who mean the world to me and bring me great joy and endless laughter on a daily basis. Saying goodbye to the person who is so near and dear to my heart. Someone who knows the real me, including all my flaws and weird aspects of my personality, and still loves me. Someone I can be extremely silly and weird with, and feel completely comfortable in doing so. Someone who makes me feel safe, loved, and…complete. Someone who I have to let go of much too soon, and be thousands of miles apart from. I can’t adequately describe the jumble of emotions this situation has brought upon me. Exactly how is one supposed to feel when they are committed to a relationship with a crystal clear expiration date? I feel joy and gratefulness for the time and the experiences we have shared, as well as the things I have learned in that time, great sadness for that time being cut much too short, hope for the future, and trust in that this is all for the best, and that this is the path that our lives are meant to take. It’s just so incredibly difficult to imagine how radically different my life will be a month from now. Moving forward can be frightening at times, but I have faith in that it will be an incredible adventure in any case.
Cheers to moving forward.
“You die twice: one time after you stop breathing, and the second time after somebody says your name for the last time.”
The first time I read this quote, I sat on my bed for hours thinking about life and the meaning behind it. A lot of questions raced through my mind. Questions that no one possesses a definite answer to. Questions such as: Is there even a point to living if I don’t make a lasting impression? How do I know if I am truly living and not just taking up space? Who will remember me the longest? My family? Society? The whole world? Or maybe no one will.. What will be the footprint that I leave behind in this world? How can I make a lasting impact in my time here? Where do I even begin?
I still don’t have a clear cut answer to these questions, and I never will. But that is the beauty of life. Accepting that I will never fully understand the meaning of it puts me a fraction of a step closer to doing so. What I have learned through my personal experiences is that to make a lasting impact, you have to start small. Change the lives of the people around you by bringing whatever version of joy into their lives that you can muster up. In the end, we all want to be happy and that’s the basic truth. Sure, we don’t live in a perfect world and overcoming negative situations and feelings is part of our journey, but happiness should always be the light at the end of the dark tunnel, and if you can shine your light to someone by simply offering them a smile or a laugh, well that, my friend, is you making an impact in their life.
But that’s just my two cents on the eternal question of the meaning of life.
I have a perfect little scenario laid out in my head. Me and the man I love traveling the world together doing something that makes us happy, experiencing beautiful places and cultures, meeting individuals with stories so epic that it ignites our will to keep exploring and learning. I hope one day to take a train through Europe and visit not only the mainstream, cultural artifacts, but also the hole in the wall places only locals would know about. Because that’s where the true culture lies, not in the tourist attractions filled with people who more than likely speak your language, but where the people of the country live out their lives. It’s the same as going to New York and only visiting Times Square and the Statue of Liberty. If you did that, you wouldn’t get a real impression of the city. To get a good feel for the city you should go to a random pizza place, watch a street performer, go to the record store and talk to the person who works there, or pick up a hotdog from a hotdog stand and eat it in Central Park, because that makes for a better story than “I saw the Statue of Liberty” and you never know who you might meet and the adventure you will have. Life is one enormous blank book, and you get to decide how interesting your story will be.
If you were given the opportunity to posses the knowledge of the exact date and time you would die, would you take it?
On one hand, if you agree, you would be able to focus on the ticking clock and attempt to squeeze as many special moments into the slot of time you are allotted on this earth. You would focus on what matters in life, spend quality time with the people you truly care for, and only do the things that bring you joy, because you don’t have time to waste on things that bring you great despair and sorrow. You would stay proactive and not waste a single breath. Or would this be like your tenth grade english assignment, where you procrastinate until the last minute and try to do everything the night before the dead line? (pun intended)
I think the real question is, why aren’t you living your life as if you might die tomorrow? In most cases, you have absolutely no knowledge or control over your demise. Just as suddenly as life was give to you, it can all be taken away. So take every moment and make it count, don’t waste your breath on things that won’t matter in the end. Make sure that when the time comes and your life flashes before your eyes, it is filled with great memories, loving people, and laughter. Live your life with confidence, live your life as an adventure, live your life filled with love, live your life engulfed in happiness, live your life passionately, live as if you’re dying.
Life is one big adventure, or as a fellow blogger once said, a misadventure. We start out exploring the world from the comfort of our homes, but sooner than we think, our longing wish to be a grown up comes true, and we start wishing that we held onto that simple joy of being a child. But in order to preserve that precious aspect of childhood, we have to keep exploring, and pushing our boundaries outside of those that confined us to perimeters of the playground all those years ago. The important thing is to keep that childlike curiosity and open-mindedness, because these are the tools that help you embrace the beauty of the world around you and find joy in the simple things. A life without love and joy is not a life at all, but much rather a survival routine. So keep wondering, keep asking, keep enjoying, keep loving, keep exploring.